40 FUNNY QUOTES

Here are 30 quotes and 40 funny quotes:

“Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.” – Sam Levenson

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

“You become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.” – Albert Schweitzer

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker

“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” – Albert Einstein

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back.” – Babe Ruth

“The biggest risk is not taking any risk.” – Mark Zuckerberg

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius

“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.” – Bo Bennett

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon

“Dream big and dare to fail.” – Norman Vaughan

“Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.” – W. Clement Stone

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.” – Herman Cain

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” – Babe Ruth

“Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.” – Charles Kettering

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

“Limitations exist only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” – Jamie Paolinetti

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill

“Challenges are what make life interesting, and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” – Jordan Belfort

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”

“I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.”

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” – Dr. Seuss

“My bed is a magical place that I never want to leave.”

“I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry.”

“I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m sleeping.”

“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up.”

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”

“I have a great sense of humor. I just don’t know where to use it.”

“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.”

“I may be old, but I got to see all the cool bands.”

“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”

“I don’t hold grudges. I remember facts.”

“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.”

“My house is clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be happy.”

“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.”

“I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m not a baker. I just knead dough.”

“I’m not rude. I just have the ability to say what everyone else is thinking.”

“I’m not fat. I’m just easier to see.”

“I’m not a complete idiot – some parts are missing.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.”

“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.”

“I’m not a player. I just crush a lot.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely productive at unimportant tasks.”

“I’m not a chef. I just play one in my kitchen.”

“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”

“I’m not a morning person. Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”

“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”

Note: Some of the funny quotes may have been adapted from various sources online.