“I went to school once, and I have no intention of going back.” – Cunk on Earth

“Why do we need history? We’ve got the internet. We can just make it all up.” – Cunk on Earth

“If you want to be famous, just shout ‘Yabba Dabba Doo!’ and live in a cave. That’s all it takes.” – Cunk on Earth

“Did cavemen invent fire? Or did fire invent cavemen? We may never know.” – Cunk on Earth

“People say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I say it’s in the eye of the neurologist who’s studying the beholder’s brain.” – Cunk on Earth

“The dinosaurs became extinct because they were too big to flush down the toilet.” – Cunk on Earth

“History is just the past trying to make sense of itself. But who cares about the past? Let’s focus on what’s happening right now – like this really interesting documentary I’m making.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Middle Ages were so called because they were stuck right in the middle of the Stone Age and the Information Age. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” – Cunk on Earth

“In ancient Greece, they believed in a pantheon of gods. But have you ever tried to cook on a pantheon? It’s a nightmare.” – Cunk on Earth

“The great philosophers of ancient times would sit under trees and ponder the meaning of life. I do the same, but with a box of donuts.” – Cunk on Earth

“Discoveries are nothing more than accidents waiting to happen. Just ask the person who invented the slinky.” – Cunk on Earth

“I’ve always wondered if Richard III was really as villainous as Shakespeare made him out to be. And then I realized, who cares? He’s dead.” – Cunk on Earth

“What’s the point of studying history? It’s like trying to read yesterday’s newspaper. It’s already happened, and nobody cares anymore.” – Cunk on Earth

“The ancient Egyptians built pyramids to store grain. Imagine going through all that trouble just to build a massive pantry.” – Cunk on Earth

“Archaeology is just a fancy word for ‘digging up old stuff.’ And who wants to dig up old stuff when there’s Netflix to watch?” – Cunk on Earth

“The Industrial Revolution revolutionized industry. It’s like when your mom went on a diet, and suddenly there’s no more junk food in the house.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Renaissance was a time when people started painting realistic nudes. Because everyone needs a hobby, right?” – Cunk on Earth

“If I could time travel, I’d go back to the ’80s and convince people that shoulder pads are a bad idea.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Vikings were the original reality TV stars. They sailed around the world, conquering new lands, and all anyone could talk about was their facial hair.” – Cunk on Earth

“Ancient Rome was like a really big playground, except instead of swings and slides, they had gladiator fights and orgies.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Victorian era was a time of strict etiquette and elaborate clothing. It’s like living your whole life in a costume party.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Big Bang Theory is just a theory. I have my own theory – it was a really loud noise.” – Cunk on Earth

“If you think about it, time is just a human construct. Except when you’re waiting for your pizza to arrive, then it’s very real.” – Cunk on Earth

“My favorite dinosaur is the pterodactyl. It’s like a bird, but cooler because it’s extinct.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Stone Age was a time of simplicity and survival. It’s like living in a camping trip that never ends.” – Cunk on Earth

“The Renaissance gave us great artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. They were like the Kardashians of their time – famous for being famous.” – Cunk on Earth

“I don’t understand why people get so worked up about ancient aliens. I mean, who cares if the pyramids were built by aliens or humans? They’re still really cool.” – Cunk on Earth

“In the future, scientists say we’ll all be flying around in hovercrafts. I say, why wait for the future? I’ll start practicing my hovercraft skills right now.” – Cunk on Earth

“Medieval times were so medieval. I mean, no internet, no smartphones, and worst of all, no pizza delivery.” – Cunk on Earth

“If I could go back in time and meet any historical figure, I’d choose Shakespeare. I just want to know if he really wrote all those plays or if it was just a bunch of monkeys with typewriters.” – Cunk on Earth