“I’m too cool for the shitty hand I was dealt.”

“I’ve mastered the art of being an ironic douchebag.”

“I’m a time traveler, but I can’t escape my own shitty teenage angst.”

“Irony is the key to my existence. Or something equally pretentious.”

“My words are like a sick beat that the universe can’t resist dancing to.”

“I’m not a rapper, but I spit mad words like my syllables are lethal weapons.”

“I’ve got the swagger of a thousand baby hipsters.”

“Bro, irony is my middle name. Seriously, it’s on my birth certificate.”

“I’m like a ninja in a crowd of plaid shirts and vintage records.”

“I wear sunglasses at night because my future’s so bright, it’d blind you.”

“My modus operandi is being super rad, all day, every day.”

“I’m so hipster, I could’ve been born wearing skinny jeans.”

“My life is a sick beat, and I’m just trying to stay on rhythm.”

“I’m the king of irony, reigning supreme over all things cool and ridiculous.”

“My hair is so majestic, it has its own fan club.”

“I’ve got more shades of irony than a black and white photograph.”

“I speak in cryptic riddles because normal language is too bland for me.”

“I’m the living embodiment of a Tumblr post. No explanation needed.”

“I’m a walking contradiction, wrapped in irony, wrapped in a cool leather jacket.”

“I’m on a quest for the ultimate ironic punchline. The journey is never-ending.”

“I’m a strider, bro. I stride through life with careless coolness.”

“Sarcasm is my second language. My first language is being awesome.”

“I’ve got a black belt in sarcasm. It’s my deadliest weapon.”

“I radiate an aura of nonchalance that is the envy of the universe.”

“I’m so chill, I could beat Sub-Zero at an ice-off.”

“I’m like a hipster chameleon, blending seamlessly into any subculture.”

“My swag is on fleek, even if I have no idea what that actually means.”

“I wear irony like a suit of armor, protecting me from the banality of life.”

“My rap game is so tight, it’s like a hipster beanie on a summer day.”

“I’m a walking paradox, wrapped in a mystery, served with a side of irony.”