“If you’re Irish, it doesn’t matter where you go – you’ll find family.”

“I’m Irish, so my superpower is making awkward situations even more awkward.”

“The Irish don’t know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.”

“God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.”

“You know you’re Irish when your idea of a balanced diet is a potato in each hand.”

“Irish diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”

“Irish people don’t need reservations – we always have a place at the bar.”

“In Ireland, there’s no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong type of clothes.”

“The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke – but the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.”

“I’m not stubborn, I’m just Irish. Okay, maybe a little stubborn.”

“An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.”

“You know you’re Irish when you can hear a song and instantly know all the words – even if you’ve never heard it before.”

“An Irishman’s brain is never silent – it’s either talking, singing, or coming up with new questionable ideas.”

“You know you’re Irish when you measure distance in time – ‘It’s only five minutes down the road.'”

“Irish logic: If you can’t solve the problem, have a pint and ignore it.”

“Why don’t you ever see leprechauns running? They’re always ‘jogging’ – an Irishman’s way of moving quickly without spilling his pint.”

“Irish Alzheimer’s: Forget everything except the grudges.”

“Irish girls don’t check the weather forecast – we just assume it’s going to rain and dress accordingly.”

“Ireland is the only place where it takes more time to get there than it does to see everything once you’ve arrived.”

“The Irish gave the world the gift of whiskey, so it’s only fair that we take care of it.”

“Irish people can’t sneeze once. We always have to do it at least nine times – it’s a national tradition.”

“If you can’t understand the Irish, you’re not drinking enough.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on Irish time – which is approximately five minutes behind everyone else.”

“You know you’re Irish when your surname has more syllables than the alphabet.”

“The luck of the Irish is all about finding a four-leaf clover in a field of cow dung.”

“Being Irish means having a deep love for potatoes – we’re a very rooting culture.”

“Forget about a pot of gold, we’re more excited about finding a free parking spot.”

“Irish names can be confusing – we like consonants so much, we stack them on top of each other just for fun.”

“The Irish don’t say goodbye, we say ‘I’m off now, but I’ll be back for a pint later’.”

“When an Irishman says ‘maybe’, it means ‘no’; when he says ‘maybe not’, it means ‘yes’ – and when he says ‘yes’, you better have a good lawyer.”