“I’m thankful for elastic waistbands on Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving is all about family and delicious leftovers. Oh, and giving thanks, I guess.”

“I’m thankful for wine, because without it, Thanksgiving conversations would be much less entertaining.”

“Thanksgiving: the only day where you eat like it’s your last meal before hibernation.”

“Thanksgiving: the one day a year where we can eat as much as we want and nobody judges us.”

“I’m thankful for the ‘mute’ button on the Thanksgiving Zoom call.”

“Thanksgiving is like a food coma with extra pie.”

“I’m thankful for stretchy pants – they allow me to fully enjoy Thanksgiving dinner without regrets.”

“Thanksgiving dinner: the one time of year we eat like we’re training for a marathon.”

“Thanksgiving is the only day it’s socially acceptable to wear sweatpants to a fancy dinner.”

“I’m thankful for the person who invented leftovers, because that’s the real MVP of Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving dinners would be a lot tastier if they came with a side of gravy and more dessert.”

“Thanksgiving is the one time of year when it’s totally acceptable to talk with your mouth full.”

“I’m thankful for online shopping, so I can avoid the Black Friday crowds and stay in my food coma.”

“Thanksgiving is the day we all pretend to enjoy watching football with our families.”

“I’m thankful for my accidental nap after Thanksgiving dinner – it was like a food-induced short vacation.”

“Thanksgiving: the day we’re all professional pie-eating contestants.”

“Thanksgiving is the perfect excuse to eat dessert first. Life is short, calories don’t count on Thanksgiving.”

“I’m thankful for my family, even if they drive me crazy – especially on Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving: the one day where taking a second helping is a given, and thirds are highly encouraged.”

“I’m thankful for my metabolism, which somehow manages to survive Thanksgiving feasts year after year.”

“Thanksgiving is the day I prove to my family that I can eat more than a professional food challenge competitor.”

“I’m thankful for the person who invented elastic waistbands. They’re the real heroes of Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving: the day we all collectively pretend to enjoy cranberry sauce.”

“Thanksgiving should have a 3 PM nap time like preschool, so we can recover from the food coma.”

“I’m thankful for the person who decided that pumpkin pie should be a Thanksgiving tradition. You’re a genius.”

“Thanksgiving: the ultimate test of how many pieces of pie you can eat before bursting.”

“I’m thankful for the magic of Thanksgiving, where a group of people can come together to complain about cooking and cleaning.”

“Thanksgiving is the one day of the year when it’s acceptable to wear a loose-fitting elastic waistband for fashion’s sake.”

“I’m thankful for the leftover turkey sandwiches that sustain me through the post-Thanksgiving slump.”