Sure, here are 30 unusual quotes for you:

“The mind is a beautiful thing, until it gets bored and decides to cook lasagna with a calculator.”

“Life is short, so smile while you still have teeth.”

“If life gives you lemons, make a battery and power up your dreams.”

“Always trust your instincts, unless they tell you to lick a frozen pole.”

“Adventure is out there, but so are spiders.”

“Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably crap.”

“The trouble with trouble is that it always starts as fun.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“If procrastination was a sport, I’d completely forget to participate.”

“Never judge a book by its movie adaptation.”

“Don’t be a salad, be the whole damn buffet.”

“Opportunity knocks, but temptation leans on the doorbell.”

“I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.”

“Reality is for people who lack imagination.”

“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”

“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“When nothing goes right, go left.”

“Happiness is like jam; you can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself.”

“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me – I’ll laugh at you.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful, or at least be able to afford an amazing collection of cat sweaters.”

“Reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

“Some people believe in fate. I believe in feta cheese.”

“My life is a constantly awkward moment trying to pass itself off as a sequence of normal events.”

“I sometimes watch birds and wonder ‘If I could fly, where would I poop?'”

“Never trust an atom. They make up everything.”

“If there is a will, there are five hundred relatives ready to contest it.”

“I don’t go out without my phone because it’s my only friend who doesn’t ask me to share my food.”

“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that’s pretty much the same thing.”

“Life is too short for boring socks.”

These quotes are meant to be humorous and quirky, so take them with a grain of salt and enjoy the lighter side of life.